Looking back at my last post, I was in a dark place. I wouldn’t say that everything has changed. I still fight with myself every day to stay positive and not let the depression take over.
But depression is a flaw in chemistry, not character.
I am so blessed to have a life so filled with love and to have my life so together at such a young age. Many people live their entire lives working for what I’ve accomplished so soon, searching for somebody like who I’ve already found, and wishing for the things I have. I still feel guilty for a lot of the questions I used to ask myself but at least I know that they were ridiculous questions to be asking myself. I may be sick but I know that I am loved more than I could ever be loved, and luckier than I could ever wish for myself. I have a love that will always put my happiness first, and who I will do the same for. And no matter how hard I have to fight to stay above the water, I will because I have someone worth fighting for. I won’t let our plans for our life together go unfulfilled. As time goes on I see that he needs me just as much as I need him. And we don’t love each other because we need each other but we need each other because we love each other. I have a mom who has suffered enough lose in her life to allow her to see me as anything but happy. I will show her that I am grateful for everything that she’s done to get me here, and I will not allow anything that she’s gone through to be taken for granted. I get my strength from her, because if she can do it, then I can do it. And I will remember these things everytime that my demons try to make me think any less of myself.